Hello and sorry for the long time of not posting. Its been a rough week for me mentally, and I had no motivation whatsoever. But I’ve pulled through it and I’m back! Soni want to talk about the way I feel a relationship should work. You see coming from a narssastic relationship to the relationship im in now. There are so many difference that I never realized. This past week I had a rough time with me anxiety. My boyfriend and I had a great weekend away in a hotel in town just a staycation as you would say but when Sunday night came and we had to say our goodbyes I had a literal mental breakdown and could not stop myself from crying. This went on through yesterday. Everytime I even thought about missing my boyfriend it just made me tear up. Missing him all the time is fine im usually able to get through it. But for some reason I wasn’t able to this time. But I finally broke down and asked for him to please come see me. Even though it wasn’t a day we normally see eachother (we usually see eachother on weekends and Thursday nights for our family dinner with friends) he came over and instantly made me feel better we spent 4 hours together watching movies and talking. And when he left I felt so much better like I could do anything. Him being there for me and telling me it was going to be ok just made everything better. Fast forward to this morning where I wake up to him telling me he doesn’t feel well today. Side note my boyfriend deals with alot of medical issues he has diabetes and neuropathy. And lately his diabetes has been giving him bad heartburn and making him feel neasuous. And the meds his doctor gave him aren’t working. So anyway he tells me this and I install jump into mother mode as you could call it. Trying to figure out how to help from work. While there is no quick fix I will be going over after work to bring him so better meds and some comfy pillows to help with his back and leg pain. You may be asking amber where are you going with this. Well heres my point. A relationship is 5o/50. One the days im feeling bad chris does whatever he can to make me feel better and help me out. And on the days he’s feeling bad I do the exact same thing! It should never be one person doing everything and the other wondering why doesn’t he or she care about me as much as I do him or her? Never let anyone take you for granted. Make sure you are just as loved in your relationship as you love your significant other. Well thats all for now ill make sure I keep everyone updated on my life

Amber,
Your are worthless, you aren’t pretty, you suck at life, your a bad girlfriend/wife, your not goo enough, everything is your fault, your worthless. You thought these things for over 8 years of your adult life. Which come to think of it was most of your adult life. You were told these things and many more on a daily basis! Well no more. You are not that women anymore. You have changed! You have grown and shown yourself that you can succeed at life! Stop thinking all those things that you were told, because like that relationship its gone, it’s over, it’ ended! You are strong, you can concert whatever this world brings at you! You may fall or stumble but pick yourself up and keep moving. Brush off all those negative thoughts that come into your mind everyone in awhile. Tell yourself your not that person anymore! You can do this! Mae your life what you want it to be. Make your life the best it can be not only for your family and friends but for YOU! You are no longer that afraid girl. Keep looking forward and let the past be the past. Form this day forward you will be Amber that great, loving, kind-hearted, giving, trusting girl that everyone loves and you will never forget it!

I wrote this a couple weeks ago as well I hope you guys enjoy.

Babe i dont even know where to begin! You came into my life when I didn’t expect it! We became so close so fast as friends. Till the day I realized I wanted this man in my life as more than just a friend! Knowing our age difference scared me to think you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with me. Come to find out later you thought that same exact thing! But the day you asked me out on a date was one of l the happiest days of my life. After going though what I went through finally being able to talk and be with someone who validates my feelings. Telling you what happened to me was one of the scariest things I had to do. To tell you and feel like you’d run, but you didn’t run. You stayed and continue to tell me each day that we will get through this together. You take the good with the bad everytime im having anxiety or prince attacks. Your always there to listen. You’ve helped me realize I can be strong I can do this thing we call life. You treat me like a princess every time we are together and even when we aren’t together. You’ve brought me into a family and have given me an opportunity to be a step mom. Im so happy I have found you baby! But you know what I think I’m the luckiest one in this relationship! You have such a kind heart and soul. And I’m glad i found you and that you were brought into my life I love you so much! I can’t wait to see whhat the future holds for us!

I wrote this a couple weeks ago about my step kids (I have 4) and thought I would share it with you.

You all came into my life so late. I didn’t get to watch you grow up into the amazing teenagers/ young adults your are turning into. Every moment spent with you is just a great thing! I’m so thankful you have welcomed me into your life as not only a friend, mentor, or dads girlfriend, but as a step mom. Everyday I wake up feeling like I can achieve great things just because I know I not only have your dad in my life but I have all 4 of you as well. I work everyday because of you guys. It keeps my spirits high when I know I get to see you all for the weekend. The short amount of time I’ve known you guys has brought pure happiness into my life. I hope I can continue to do the same for you all. Coming into a family is a hard and nerve racking thing. Thinking you wouldn’t like me or wouldn’t accept me into your lives was a constant worry. But you’ve accepted me with open arms. I will never try to be your mother but I hope you all understand that I love each and everyone of you in your own way. I know you will all do amazing things and become  great adults! I can’t wait to share that experience with each of you personally. Know I am always here for you and will help you in any way I can!

Hey everyone my name is Amber. I was in an abusive relationship for about 8 years! I ended up marrying him as well. I was always told I wasn’t good enough or that I was the reason for all of our problems. When in all reality it was his fault. At the breaking point of our relationship he beat me as well. The physical scars have healed but the mental scars are hard to get rid of. I work everyday to make sure I get through it. And with the help of my friends family and boyfriend I have been able to slowly get over my past. And now I want to share my everyday thoughts with you and try and help as many surviors as I can!